10 Haiku

     I wrote these Haiku while sitting outside on our last day of English class. I hope none of these make anyone worry about me, and they really shouldn't. These are just for fun! Enjoy!

Jumping rope outside

Suddenly, I'm eight again

Time to go inside

I like smashing ants

Their tiny legs are so gross

I want them to die

The sun is so bright

And it is burning my skin

I want to go in

The wind blows gently

Through the grass in the courtyard

It feels very nice

Smiling takes a lot 

of commitment and some time

to get one ready

I love this one boy

He's the best guy in the world

He is very cute

I'm scared of the dark

I do not like the nighttime

I love the morning

But...

Waking up early 

for school is so hard to do

I'm glad I am done

I have so many 

things that I want to finish

unlike this Haiku

Jumping in puddles

always speckled my white tights

on the way to church 

Manifesto (I Hate Writing Poetry)

I hate writing poetry

            Because once I’m finished with one poem             

I want to write another

            And I really shouldn’t

I hate writing poetry

            Not because I think it’s bad

But because I know it’s bad

            And no one can tell me otherwise

I hate writing poetry

            Because sometimes you have to read it

In front of other people

            And they don’t like it either

I hate writing poetry

            Because I feel proud of it for a minute

Then I remember that it’s bad

            It smells dead, like a rotting carcass

I hate writing poetry…

Every time I try to sound profound

I sound like I’ve copied the works of the greats

            Every time I try to just write

It sounds like I don’t care

The truth is I don’t hate writing poetry

            I hate trying to sound like I’m someone I’m not

I hate repeating myself for dramatic effect

            Maybe if I say this phrase three more times I’ll get a good grade

No one writes for fun; it’s always for English class; some people try, but

            Others don’t care at all

Why don’t people just care?

            Not care about the assignment, but about exploring something new

Learn something from poetry

            I am so sick of people not caring about anything but themselves

Which is saying something because

I’m the most selfish person I know

            And if I’m selfish, I’d like to be selfish

I am so tired of trying to be something else

            I just want to write a poem or a manifesto or something

I want it to mean something to me and no one else

            I just want it to write itself or maybe flow out like water from a tap

I want it to be for me and only me

            I don’t want people to tell me what I mean by this line

I want it to mean what I say it does

I’m not writing this for a grade or for someone else

            This is only for me, and I need to remind myself of that

But you’re expected to be concerned about other people and help them

            But what if I don’t want to?

I hate writing poetry

            Because now that this one is over

I want to write more

            And I’m going to

Drafts

From the Vista Cruise

     I think it's so funny that I have 9 blog drafts right now. That number will change, but I'm just feeling like I can't finish anything. It's not that I'm not motivated right now, it's just that I don't want to publish any errors. I second-guess myself all the time. I just start one and then I realize that what I'm writing about would go better as a separate blog post. I keep going on and on about things... I don't know what to do. I'm so scared to post.
 I was just talking to Dr. N and I said to her, "it's not like anyone will read my posts," but she says some faculty members do. I just don't know what to write about and it's so hard to find pictures... Ugh. I don't know. But honesty, I hope I continue to write and update this blog over the summer and maybe till Christmas break next year. That's my goal. I would like to post at least twice a month over the summer and then I'd like to give little updates once I go to college. Let's see if I can do it! 

Thank You, Mr. Risdon

Dear Mr. Risdon, 
      I want to thank you for being a great teacher for eight years. I can't believe I've had you for that long. You were so much fun to have. At this last Spring Concert, I had so much fun surprising you with the "puppies"; your face was priceless. I have so many memories from the concerts when you'd turn to the audience and say something, then you'd turn your back and say something funny to us. My cheeks always hurt from smiling at you during the concerts. You're the coolest strings teacher ever because you can shred on guitar as well as any instrument in the room. 
     You've really motivated me over these years to continue with the violin. I'm not sure if I'll play in college or not, but if I do, it's because you encouraged me to. I always say how bad I am, because it's true, but you never actually agree, so that makes me feel a little better about myself. You encourage confidence in the orchestra. I hope that when I come back to visit, you won't make me play in front of everyone. I can always talk to you about everything even when it's not strings related. Thank you again for being an amazing teacher. 

-Kori 

I Hate What If's, but....

     If I had written a senior speech, this is what it would be.
     I have a message for the underclassmen: if there's someone, (a teacher, a peer, a parent), who says something negative to you or makes you feel worthless, I want you to bottle that up and use their words as fuel to get you out of here. You're so much more than what they think. I've felt worthless, I still feel worthless, but it gets better. That's the one thing they never actually tell you. It. Gets. Better. That's on thing I never remember. I've been down more than I've been up, but you have to go down to appreciate the ups. I don't think anyone would understand happiness until they've been sad. 
     Sometimes I wonder if I'm here for nothing. I wonder if I'm here at all. I just want to know what my purpose is right now. I hate this waiting. I thought that maybe once I turned 18, I'd just magically figure it out. But here's my birthday cake from this year. I really hope that this isn't foreshadowing of what my year entails. It's all melty and falling apart. 
     My high school experience has had mixed reviews from myself. Sometimes I lie to myself and say, "Oh it was horrible how did I survive?!" But other times, I lie the other way, "It was pretty good." But to be honest, I'm still living it, so I can't decide just yet. My roommate for college next year, Linzi, told me that all the bad things she goes through are for something better; she says that all the bad things are preparing her to be able to handle things better and get a better understanding, so she can help others.

She's a very talented painter, and she painted this in 56 hours. I can't imagine giving something important that much of my time. She's so amazing, and I can't wait see her again at orientation. I've already learned so much from her, and we haven't even moved in yet! 

Goodbye, Marshall!

     At Passage, Mr. Breen said something that really stuck with me. I'm going to paraphrase a bit, but he told us this old Irish story about a son and a father getting in a fight and the son hits the dad in the head with a shovel, and kills him, and then goes off to start a new life, but later, the dad shows back up because he isn't dead, and forgives him, and happily ever after. Mr. Breen said that as we're getting closer to graduation, we're the sons with shovels in our hands and Marshall is the father with a dent in it's head. We focus solely on the negative; we start finding flaws in everything that Marshall has to offer, but it's always going to be here for us. We find flaws so it's easier to cut ties. We find out who our real friends are because most of them we just put up with because we have to see them five days a week.
     

Thirty30 Photography / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

I really liked what Mr. Breen had to say because it's so true. I've been so ready to leave for so long, but now that it's wrapping up, I don't actually want to go just yet. I'm so sad that the last time I'll be up on stage, it'll be for graduation; no play, it's just me, the real me up there, becoming a new person. 
     

Thank You, Ms. K

Dear Ms. K, 
     Thank you for everything you've ever done for me! You've been like another mother to me these past years. You are such a talented photographer. I want to thank you for everything, like being the Yearbook advisor. You've had so many great ideas and I just loved creating with you. I know that this year, I was really busy, and I didn't really help much at all, but you understood because you're amazing. I think that you're an awesome mom to Calvin and Mason. I loved having Calvin in all of my prom groups, so we'd always have excellent pictures. You're so nice to talk to as well. You want to hear about my day, and you actually care when I tell you the lame drama that happens in our class. 
     I will always remember the times when you took pics of Calvin and he didn't look at the camera. I love that, and I'm laughing right now as I'm writing this. I hope that we still Facebook message and text even when I'm away at Drake. I'll still come home to visit you! Thank you again for being the best YOU ever. 

-Kori